VO: The nation's favorite celebrities...

There's a fact for you.

VO: ..paired up with an expert... We're like a girl band!

VO: ..and a classic car.

Give it some juice, Myrie, give it some juice.

VO: Their mission - to scour Britain for antiques.

I'm brilliant at haggling.

Who knew?

VO: The aim - to make the biggest profit at auction.

I can't believe that!

VO: But it's no easy ride.

TRISHA: What's that smell?

AMIR: The clutch!

VO: Who will find a hidden gem?

That's very art deco, innit?

VO: Take the biggest risk?

EAMONN: It's half toy, it's half furniture.

VO: Will anybody follow expert advice?

That's irrelevant.

VO: There will be worthy winners... CHRIS: (GROANS) RUFUS: (LAUGHS) VO: ..and valiant losers.

No!

VO: Put your pedal to the metal.

Woohoo!

VO: This is the Celebrity Antiques Road Trip!

VO: Nice!

VO: Today, we're exploring the Garden of England with a couple of our finest TV journalists.

MATT: We are on a mission that we don't really understand.

No.

Neither of us is skilled at.

No.

I think I know how to pronounce chinoiserie.

Isn't that not like... Asian style stuff.

VO: Yes.

Our pair in the red 1970s Triumph Dolomite, Matt Allwright, and by his side, Nikki Fox, already have their eyes peeled for an antique scoop.

Ooh, Matthew Farm.

Ooh!

Oh, it's a sign.

It was a sign.

VO: They're good.

VO: Prime time television presenter Matt specializes in consumer journalism.

VO: While Nikki came to consumer affairs after making her name as a documentary maker and disability correspondent.

NIKKI: It was our first series together of Watchdog, wasn't it?

And do you know what?

MATT: You were there and it was like instant sunshine.

NIKKI: Oh!

Had I overly bleached my hair?

It might have been that.

It might have been that.

VO: Our celebrities have been sent off with £400 each and expert guidance in the form of Glasgow's own Natasha Raskin Sharp, and from County Durham, David Harper.

DAVID: I think Nikki is going to be very inquisitive, but I like being tested.

NATASHA: Do you?

DAVID: I do.

I love being tested, don't you?

What's that?

When was it made?

Who made it?

How old is it?

It depends if you know the answer.

DAVID: Yeah but listen... VO: Those two have an even older classic motor at their disposal, a 1950s Land Rover Defender, manufactured before seat belts were mandatory, don't you know?

It goes at about three miles an hour.

DAVID: But on these beautiful Kent country roads, it's perfect.

It has a boot just ready to be filled with antiques.

DAVID: Oh, it does.

VO: So, all set fair.

VO: But how do the correspondents feel about having a couple of informed sources?

What guidance will you be looking for?

Everything.

They are so cool, though, aren't they?

MATT: I would buy them and take them home.

Same here.

VO: Not in the rules, I'm afraid.

VO: Their experience of Kent, or should that be Kentish experience, starts out in Chilham at Bagham Barn.

VO: Not really a baaa-rn anymore, though.

VO: (CHUCKLES) Sorry.

MATT: All set?

NIKKI: Ready.

MATT: We enter as friends.

NIKKI: (LAUGHS) MATT: From now on, we're competitors, right?

NIKKI: Yeah, alright.

VO: Well said.

VO: Time for two new teams to take shape.

(KNOCKS POT) NIKKI: Hi, David.

DAVID: Hello.

NIKKI: How are you?

DAVID: I'm very well, lovely to see you.

So lovely to meet you.

DAVID: Nikki, do you like antiques?

NIKKI: Yeah, I do.

I'm not sure I have much taste.

I'm sure you do.

Do you like a bit of bling?

Yeah, I do.

Old bling.

DAVID: Old bling?

I want to know what your taste is.

I've got none, David.

Honestly, have you seen what I wear half the time on TV?

DAVID: You lead the way.

Alright.

OK. OK, here we go.

VO: That went very well.

VO: Now for the others.

Hello.

Oh, Matt.

Hi, how are you?

I'm very well.

You've got me, I'm afraid.

You should be afraid.

MATT: Really?

Really?

NATASHA: (LAUGHS) NATASHA: No, I think we're going to be a fantastic team.

A little birdie told me that you are the son of an antique dealer.

I am.

And like all children, we typically reject whatever our parents have done.

MATT: But I would say on the plus side, I've spent a lot of time at antique fairs, antique shops, and with my mum trying to tell me things and me not being interested.

Maybe it's gone in.

NATASHA: Are you up for a haggle?

MATT: Always up for a haggle.

Family motto, never pay full price.

NATASHA: I love it.

OK, so I think we're related.

MATT & NATASHA: (LAUGH) VO: Hey, also very promising.

NIKKI: David, David, I found a shiny thing.

DAVID: Oh, go on.

NIKKI: It's a scent bottle.

Is that a bit art deco-y in shape?

DAVID: Bang on.

It is.

DAVID: Are you into that sort of early 20th century look?

I love that.

And the term art deco wasn't coined until 1925, because in 1925, there was an exhibition in Paris called The Art and Decorative Fair and the word art-decorative, art deco, was coined.

OK, so art deco, it's a thing.

VO: Yep.

I'm not sure that's the case for everyone, though.

Ha!

What have you found?

MATT: It's a tiny violin case, isn't it, I think?

NATASHA: Oh, is it a violin?

(LAUGHS) There is no violin in it.

But don't you love music?

NATASHA: Aren't you obsessed with anything stringed?

Absolutely obsessed with anything with strings in it, so that's right up my strasse, as they say.

But my favorite instrument is an instrument called the pedal steel guitar.

Absolutely.

So you play with a steel, and you pluck it with your right hand, and nobody knows what it is, and very few people like it.

How many do you have?

Er, too many.

I've got 12 guitars.

No, you don't?

Yeah, it's still not enough.

VO: So one of them's seeking yet more steel guitars, and the other's after some deco.

NIKKI: David... DAVID: Mm.

NIKKI: ..I've spotted this camera.

DAVID: Yes, it's a really good-looking thing.

NIKKI: It feels a bit like...art deco.

Nikki, this is your period.

NIKKI: I was born in the wrong time.

DAVID: You were.

You should have been one of those flapper girls from the 1920s.

Oh, David!

Well, that's interesting, actually, because that's Carl Zeiss, German maker.

NIKKI: OK, but do you think though, David, people will buy the camera, as beautiful as it is, if it doesn't work?

I would love it if it worked.

I don't know.

And do you know what?

Would you buy it just as a thing?

DAVID: It's £69, as a piece of early 20th century art, that's how I see it.

NIKKI: Yeah, yeah.

Oh, it's like you're my brother from another mother.

Yeah.

VO: Looks like they might be having a word with shopkeeper Colin soon.

VO: Now, what's Matt got there?

Not musical, is it?

MATT: Tash.

NATASHA: Mm-hm?

MATT: I'm a bit worried that I'm just selecting things based on weight.

NATASHA: Oh!

MATT: (LAUGHS) It's a pigeon clock.

NATASHA: Would you race a pigeon, given the opportunity?

I would lose if I did, obviously.

MATT: Pigeons are really quick.

VO: Ha ha, very droll.

(GONG CLANGS) Hey, Matt.

Does that bring back any memories?

Did you bong it?

(GONG CLANGS) When we first worked together...

Yes.

MATT: ..you had a gong... NIKKI: Yes.

MATT: ..that you had to bong... NIKKI: Yes.

..every time we had a result on Watchdog.

(GONG CLANGS) NIKKI: Yes!

And they took it away from you very quickly.

I loved that gong.

MATT: Do you want to see my skills?

NIKKI: Yeah, go on.

Hold on.

This is very old string.

This could go horribly wrong.

Yeah, I know.

NIKKI: Oh!

Yes.

MATT: Oh, it's a good one!

NIKKI: Yes!

Oh, it's a bobby dazzler.

NIKKI: You have got some skills, haven't you?

MATT: Yeah.

Spent the first five years of secondary school doing this.

VO: More strings.

MATT: What do you get if you cross this and your mum?

Go on.

MATT: Yo-Yo Ma.

VO: He even makes stringed instrument jokes!

He he!

(GONG CLANGS) VO: From Yo-Yo, to more deco.

Oh, Nikki, I do love a little bit of Rene Lalique.

NIKKI: Oh!

DAVID: Lalique's known for this clear, opaque glass.

NIKKI: Yeah.

DAVID: And every piece of Lalique, they're all signed.

And here's a rule of thumb, if ever you go out shopping and you see a piece of Lalique... NIKKI: Yeah.

And it's marked R Lalique... VO: Meaning company founder Rene.

..as opposed to just Lalique, there's a big difference, one in date, and two in value.

NIKKI: Oh, OK.

It is pretty.

I like it.

DAVID: Well, listen, that's priced at 75 quid, so we'll get a little bit of a discount.

DAVID: But now let me show you something that really is useful, and I think you'll like it a lot.

Completely different.

NIKKI: OK. DAVID: Will you follow me?

NIKKI: I'm following you.

I can't help but look at that man, that's staring at me... DAVID: (LAUGHS) NIKKI: ..with those eyes.

NIKKI: He's looking at me like no one else has ever looked at me, David.

DAVID: Oh, you should take him home.

NIKKI: You don't look at me like that.

DAVID: I'll try.

NIKKI: Come on.

DAVID: How's this?

NIKKI: (LAUGHS) VO: Now, what has David discovered that he's so keen to show Nikki?

DAVID: Very unpretty.

Very unblingy.

NIKKI: Un-pretty and un-blingy?!

DAVID: I'm going to show you one, and you'll know exactly what it is when I show it to you.

I will?

You do know.

I, what on earth...

It's a bench end.

NIKKI: It's a bench end.

DAVID: And we can put the two together.

NIKKI: OK, David.

DAVID: Like that.

And then you have a very comfortable, fun looking, proper antique cast-iron garden bench.

What you're saying is somebody can use both those bench ends, strip them back, and make something that's a bit old and new.

DAVID: Yes.

VO: £69 the pair.

But you see, you didn't spot its crowning glory here, Nikki, a snake.

NIKKI: Oh!

DAVID: Can you see the wiggly snake?

NIKKI: Yes, I can.

DAVID: A serpent.

DAVID: I just think they're really good.

NIKKI: Yeah, but are there that many people in the market for two bench ends?

I didn't really think about that.

I just really like it.

VO: Hey, nice consumer journalist thinking, Nikki.

NIKKI: Get your bench ends, get your bench ends!

What are you like at negotiating?

NIKKI: Diabolical.

Really?

Awful, David.

Honesty, I think I'll end up paying more.

VO: Crikey.

Gird your loins!

NIKKI: So Colin, may I start off by saying what a dapper gentleman you are.

Very good.

NIKKI: Amazing hair.

I just love the outfit.

I love the trousers.

DAVID: OK. NIKKI: ..the jacket... DAVID: Yeah, just get on with it.

So we're going to go with the camera, which I've taken a real liking to, with the satchel and the tripod.

Um, it's at 69.

We can do 60 for you on that.

You could do 60?

COLIN: Yes.

Sold!

Oh, my goodness.

VO: Not impressed.

OK, can I have a go at one?

NIKKI: Yeah, go for it.

DAVID: Right.

NIKKI: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

DAVID: Colin.

The ropey old bench ends outside, priced at 69.

DAVID: Can I give you the old one-time offer, 40 quid?

Will it buy them?

COLIN: It will buy, yeah, OK. We'll do that.

DAVID: Thank you very much.

We'll have those.

NIKKI: Ooh!

DAVID: So over to you, Lalique.

Lalique!

Oh, the Lalique.

NIKKI: Very beautiful.

Priced at 75.

COLIN: Mhm.

Yeah.

What would your best price be, Colin?

On that would be 65.

Right.

Colin... (BEEPS SCOOTER BUTTON) NIKKI: Sold.

VO: Deal done.

NIKKI: (LAUGHS) Unbelievable.

VO: But true.

VO: 165 paid with 235 left over.

DAVID: Go on, then, let me lumber up.

I'm being very careful with the Lalique.

Yes, your responsibility, that Lalique.

NIKKI: Yeah.

VO: And while they head off... NIKKI: Woohoo!

VO: ..we'll get back to our other pair.

Tash.

NATASHA: What have you found?

MATT: Right.

Sumo is just the coolest thing.

I lived in Japan for three years and when I was there, I got massively into Sumo.

What are the moves?

MATT: The moves...there's a lot of slapping.

NATASHA: Can you show me some moves?

You want to see them?

NATASHA: I do want to see some moves, yeah.

Absolutely.

OK, this is where this comes into it.

Because before you even get into the ring, you slap yourself a lot, so you slap your whole body like this.

MATT: Like this.

NATASHA: OK. MATT: So that's the first thing I saw.

NATASHA: Oh.

Oh, there's more.

MATT: There's more, right.

NATASHA: OK.

Does it have an East Asian flavor?

It does.

And this, I think, might be more of a keeper, right?

MATT: Look at this, this is, this again, is value for money, right?

MATT: It's Buddha.

NATASHA: It...oh.

But not just one Buddha.

MATT: You get the four faces of Buddha there, and he's in a succession of good and really quite awful moods.

It seems to me now like something that would sit on someone's desk.

Yes.

NATASHA: Do you have a desk at home?

Would this sit on your desk?

I do.

And at different times, after different phone calls, I can adopt any one of these Buddha faces.

VO: (CHUCKLES) Yes.

Ticket price £69.

MATT: And I think it's like, you know, the magic cue ball where you shake it to see what mood you're in.

MATT: How am I feeling today?

NATASHA: Yeah.

MATT: How's it going to go?

VO: I think we'll very soon find out.

Colin, we are about to see Matt in action.

COLIN: Oh, is he going to give me a hard time?

I'm going to give you a really hard time, Colin.

How are you?

I'm good and yourself?

MATT: Very well, thank you very much.

This Buddha with the four faces.

You've got 70 on it.

COLIN: Mm-hm.

I'm working on the basis that was like a joke.

COLIN: No.

NATASHA: (GASPS) COLIN: No.

MATT: That's... That's serious?

Because look, that's Buddha.

MATT: That's, he's saying... COLIN: It is.

..that price is not what we're after.

So can we make him a serene Buddha?

MATT: So if I was to say 45 to you?

He would be very unhappy at that.

How can we make him happy?

Where are we going to meet?

Well, somewhere in the middle, say 55.

MATT: We're going to go serene at 55.

COLIN: Good.

Yes.

Thank you.

MATT: Thank you for bringing Buddha into my life.

COLIN: You're very welcome.

VO: Yes, thanks, Colin!

Buddha's not actually helping with this part of the process.

VO: And thank Buddha.

MATT: Right.

VO: 345 left.

NATASHA: How's your driving?

MATT: Never driven one of these before, but... NATASHA: There's always a first time.

VO: Well, he is awfully good with the yo-yos.

But let's draw a veil over Matt's debut - ha!

- and catch up instead with the two in the Triumph.

DAVID: You know Matt better than anybody.

DAVID: How are we going to beat him?

Well, I think I've sussed it.

DAVID: Oh!

NIKKI: OK. Ooh!

Matt is going to go too quirky.

DAVID: Is he?

He's going to go extreme quirky.

DAVID: (LAUGHS) NIKKI: I know him.

He's going to do it.

DAVID: What's he going to buy?

What can we imagine him buying?

NIKKI: Well, it's just going to be something that you are not going to really know what on earth it is.

NIKKI: And if we can get functionality with attractiveness, with a bit of nostalgia thrown in... Oh, hello!

..we're going to win this thing!

VO: Someone's got their head in the game.

DAVID: How did journalism come into your life?

Well, I'd never dreamt of being a journalist.

I had no desire whatsoever to be on TV, David, honestly.

NIKKI: I was working behind the scenes, and then when I did start to do stuff in front of camera, it wasn't that I'd ever dreamt of being a presenter.

I just always had ideas, stories that I wanted to investigate.

VO: Nikki's off to get the skinny on a very long-running story now, close to the North Downs at the village of Boxley.

VO: Where, in what remains of a medieval Cistercian monastery, the Society For The Protection Of Ancient Buildings is hard at work.

VO: Hello, Matthew Slocombe.

NIKKI: Hi, Matthew.

Lovely to meet you.

I'm Nikki.

MATTHEW: Welcome to Boxley Abbey.

I'm director of the Society for the Protection of Ancient Buildings.

NIKKI: Well, I'm so intrigued.

Can you tell me a little bit about it?

Well, we were founded by William Morris, you'll know as the great designer and writer and enthusiast, and one of his major enthusiasms was ancient buildings like this one.

He loved the age, and the patina, and the qualities that they had.

VO: Morris, the leading figure in the arts and crafts movement, founded the Society For The Protection of Ancient Buildings to try to halt what he considered to be the vandalism that Victorian architects were wreaking on buildings like St Albans Abbey.

VO: And almost 150 years later, the charity's restoration of ancient structures like Boxley's hospitium, where pilgrims would once have been housed, is still guided by his 1877 manifesto.

DAVID: What then, Matthew, exactly was the manifesto all about?

Well, what William Morris and his fellows realized was that there was an awful lot of damaging work going on in the 19th century.

Victorian architects tended to scrape buildings back, alter them, rebuild them, even.

Improve them, I think is a term they used.

Well, that's the way they saw it.

But William Morris saw it really differently, and he saw destruction and damage going on.

And in fact, the SPAB was nicknamed Anti-Scrape.

DAVID & NIKKI: (LAUGH) MATTHEW: And that was all about not restoring, not taking it back to some conjectural earlier form, but of valuing it and protecting it in that aged form.

So how old is this building, Matthew?

MATTHEW: Well, this one is an amazing 1380.

NIKKI: 1380?

MATTHEW: So... ..hundreds and hundreds of years.

But actually, at this end, there's even earlier material, so probably 1270s in its origin.

At the risk of sounding 105 years old, Matthew, they don't make them like they used to, do they?

VO: Boxley Abbey, which these days looks out over the M20 motorway, dominated this area for almost 400 years until its dissolution in 1537.

VO: After that, like so many other similar structures, the local stone was slowly removed from the ruins so that by the 20th century, the barn, which had once been the hospitium, was just about all that remained.

MATTHEW: For us, this is an amazing building.

Really, really important.

One of the best medieval structures in the south of England.

NIKKI: Wow.

MATTHEW: But it's a building at risk, which means that Historic England have identified it as something that needs help and protection.

MATTHEW: We're involving archaeologists who are helping us out, understand what's below ground too, and we've made some amazing finds along the way.

So what have you found?

MATTHEW: Well, probably the best and most interesting is a wonderful glazed floor tile that would have been manufactured on this abbey site and used in the floor of one of the religious buildings here.

NIKKI: Oh, that's amazing.

That's a thick tile.

MATTHEW: It's lovely.

And this is possibly the prize find of recent years.

MATTHEW: We think this was a lead weight.

We're not sure quite how old it is, but it certainly dates from the monastic use of the site, and it's a wonderful face with a figure sticking out its tongue.

How old is that?

We think probably 13th or 14th century.

NIKKI: Oh, my goodness.

VO: Each year, the Society for the Protection of Ancient Buildings selects one huge project for its summer working party, welcoming contributions from local people and from volunteers who want to acquire new skills.

NIKKI: So Matthew, what have you got David doing here?

MATTHEW: Well, David's doing some lime pointing.

So this is using our kiln-fired lime, produced from local chalk, which we mix then with sand and other aggregates, and it makes a mortar that closely replicates what was here when the building was built.

So how do you think David's got on, then?

MATTHEW: I think he's doing brilliantly, we would certainly take him on as a volunteer.

Maybe six, seven years, he would be a top quality national expert in pointing.

NIKKI: Alright.

What about me?

You too.

VO: (CHUCKLES) VO: Meanwhile, elsewhere, in the delightful Kent countryside our other pairing can be found a land-roving.

NATASHA: I get the impression that you're enjoying driving the car.

It's not an easy drive, but I had to learn to drive to do the Antiques Road Trip.

Did you?

MATT: Well, I had to learn to ride a motorcycle, so I could do Rogue Traders.

Yeah.

So would you rather be doing this, me in a sidecar, and you on a motorcycle?

I love a chat.

It's hard to chat on a motorcycle.

NATASHA: Usually you and Nikki are co-presenters.

Yeah.

But now you're on opposite teams, which probably feels a little bit weird.

NATASHA: But now that you're pitted against one another, are you feeling competitive?

Are you in it to win it?

But even the fact that she's bought three things, and we've only bought one.

I know.

Like, "Oh, oh, oh, we're behind, we're behind."

And we were in the same shop.

Yeah, I know.

How did they see three things?

What's the most anybody's lost at an auction?

I'm not even going to tell you that... MATT: (LAUGHS) NATASHA: ..because what is the point in that?

NATASHA: Think positively.

MATT: OK. VO: And those two are heading for positively the last shop of the day in the village of Teynham, at the Wildwinds Antiques Emporium... MATT: I love an emporium.

VO: ..where our celebrity with antique dealer provenance should have ample opportunity to part with some of the £345 he has left in his wallet.

I think this is like a very old dentist's drill, or possibly a tattoo artist's thing.

Imagine that, that's doing your dental work, that's doing your fillings.

Do you fancy that?

No.

VO: Cor, Matt knows his stuff.

Ha!

He comes from a family of antique dealers, and I think, quite subconsciously, it's weighing on his shoulders and he doesn't want to disappoint.

And neither do I. Agh!

I need to guide him to something good.

VO: What's more, Matt even has a mum from the Potteries.

MATT: You see, this is what I really like, personally.

NATASHA: I like your taste, actually.

Which particular pieces jump out at you?

Well, I think that... NATASHA: (GASPS) MATT: ..is really pretty.

I love brown ceramics.

I thought I was alone.

No, I just think...look, look what they've done with that line through the middle of it.

MATT: It's really brave, and you've got one glaze at the top, and you've got the rough glaze underneath it.

NATASHA: Made by hand on the wheel, you can see the work that's gone into it.

Yeah, you can see the fingers, you can see where Elsa Benattar's fingers have gone and she's proud of it, and I'm proud of her, too.

MATT: I like the wacky stuff, too.

So you're thinking to yourself, "I want a lovely water jug for the table."

"I'm going to make it like a pair of glasses."

VO: (CHUCKLES) VO: He's not seeing a buy, though.

VO: Ah, a cricket stool.

MATT: That's a thing that's very familiar, but which has been done absolutely beautifully.

Simple.

But I've never seen another one like it, and that appeals to me very much.

I wonder what Natasha will think.

VO: Well, let's find out.

NATASHA: Matt?

MATT: Tasha.

NATASHA: Oh, there you are.

MATT: Oh!

What have you got there?

We have very different items to bring to the table.

Tell me why you're digging this stool.

MATT: It's such a simple thing, but it's done so beautifully, and the fact I've never seen a stool with a ball like that as the center point for the different stays on the legs.

OK, so there is only one test.

Please, take a seat.

Let's not go through it.

It's comfortable.

I'm just...I'm very happy now.

Do you feel supported?

I feel very supported.

Thank you.

OK, so I'm always bound to ask this question.

Yes.

Would you have it at home?

MATT: Yes.

VO: Ticket price £75.

NATASHA: I wonder what you would be willing to pay for it.

Well, I would probably pay... MATT: (LOWERS VOICE) I'd probably pay 45.

VO: What about Natasha's find?

NATASHA: This is interesting to me.

First of all, it's about turn of the century, so it's French.

NATASHA: Brass carriage clock.

Everything about it is classic brass carriage clock.

NATASHA: But one thing that we have, which we don't usually have is this subsidiary dial, which by the by... MATT: Is an alarm.

NATASHA: ..is an alarm!

Oh, my goodness.

NATASHA: It's trying to tell us to hurry up, to buy some stuff, and you just don't associate these French carriage clocks with alarm clocks.

NATASHA: But it also has a retail price right now of 95.

Oh, come on.

I think if you were to make an offer... Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We could ask.

I would say, "Don't be shy, give it a try."

VO: Hey, watch out, John.

MATT: Here you are, John, I've got a stool.

MATT: I've got a carriage clock.

MATT: I'm a fair man, but I like to haggle.

I think the prices we've got on them aren't quite right.

MATT: This is a lovely stool.

75 quid?

I think that's a bit of a stretch, quite frankly.

MATT: Say 40 for that?

I think we can do 40 for that.

Yes, I agree.

And then the clock there, would you take 40 for that?

JOHN: (INHALES) Yes...just about.

80 for the two.

JOHN: Yes, 80 for the two.

VO: Hey, that's extremely kind.

They still have 265 left.

I liked you the moment I saw you, John, and I now actually feel like we're family.

VO: It's just like Who Do You Think You Are?

MATT: Is that the end of day one?

NATASHA: That's the end of day one.

Onwards.

DAVID: How do you feel about the day?

Oh, honestly, I've had such a lovely time with you.

Oh, it's been great.

NIKKI: I thank you for being very generous with all your knowledge.

I'm sort of trying to soak it up like a sponge, and I'm loving every minute of it.

NATASHA: What are we going to do tonight?

Shall we go find David and Nikki?

MATT: We should go and find David and Nikki, and taunt them with, like, tales of imaginary things we've bought.

NATASHA: Shall we tell them we found a £5 Faberge egg?

MATT: Yeah, we, it's just...

I think it's a Van Gogh.

MATT: I mean, it looks like him.

Absolutely.

And we found it.

Lucky us.

NATASHA: Well, I hope you're ready to make a few million.

VO: Nighty night.

VO: Next morning, our celebrities are having a wee debrief.

NIKKI: What were you like with bargaining, darling?

I think I'm the hagglemeister.

MATT: So whatever we got, we got it cheap.

NIKKI: Did you?

MATT: Definitely.

Yeah, yeah.

This is where I might have slightly failed.

Go on.

He gave me the best price.... Yeah.

NIKKI: And I just immediately shouted out, "Sold."

MATT: Oh, really?

NIKKI: Yeah.

NIKKI: And David was like, "No, no."

I was trying to channel Del Boy.

I think I was trying to channel Rodney.

MATT & NIKKI: (LAUGH) VO: You know it makes sense.

Matt's an interesting one to go shopping with.

Oh, oh... DAVID: Oh, you're fine.

That's it.

That's it.

NATASHA: Hold on, there's a wee kangaroo in there.

DAVID: Put the clutch in a bit.

NATASHA: Come on, you beast.

(ENGINE REVS) NATASHA: Yes!

Yeah!

DAVID: You've got it.

NATASHA: (LAUGHS) Woo!

VO: You were saying?

NATASHA: I was just worried that Matt was going to look at something in one of the shops and start talking about the Consumers Trade Act, or something.

VO: The score, in terms of items acquired, stands at 3-3.

With Matt and Natasha plumping for a cricket stool, an alarm carriage timepiece, and a four-faced Buddha.

How can we make him happy?

VO: Which leaves them with £265 to spend today.

VO: While Nikki and David spent a bit more on some Lalique, a 1930s camera, and some bench ends.

NIKKI: Get your bench ends, get your bench ends.

VO: So they now have 235 in their kitty.

NIKKI: It's been a nice little road trip, hasn't it?

MATT: It has.

MATT: Do you know, talking about things that you've never seen... NIKKI: Yeah.

MATT: What's that?

MATT: What is that?

NIKKI: Ooh, it's like a scarecrow, but in rabbit form.

It really is a trip.

It's a magical mystery tour.

VO: Far out, man.

There will be more adventures in the Garden of England today, starting out in Faversham.

VO: Birthplace of legendary TV comedy stooge Bob Todd, and the home of several antique shops, such as Upstairs Downstairs.

VO: And here come our celebrities now.

NIKKI: Oh, skills.

VO: David's already lurking within.

But let's take a quick peek at what they've acquired first.

MATT: Oh, such treasures.

NIKKI: Ooh!

I know.

What do you think of my four-faced Buddha?

NIKKI: I said you were going to go quirky.

MATT: Mm-hm.

And that is...quirky.

MATT: Do you think?

That is...that is like my inner edge of quirk.

MATT: That's playing it safe as far as I'm concerned.

MATT: Do you know what?

MATT: This is the thing I'm most worried about.

What, do you think that's a good buy?

MATT: I think that's a powerful little lot.

It's lovely, isn't it?

Well, that's your shop there.

NIKKI: Yeah.

I've got to make like tweezers and get out of 'hair'.

NIKKI: Good luck, my friend.

MATT: See you later!

NIKKI: Bye.

MATT: Bye!

VO: That all seemed to get a firm thumbs up.

VO: Now, let's buy a bit more, hey?

NIKKI: Where's my David?

DAVID: Hello, lovely.

There he is.

How are you?

DAVID: Very well.

How was your drive?

NIKKI: It was very good, actually.

He handles that vintage car.

DAVID: Does he?

Well, I think you're lucky to be in it, that Land Rover is a monster.

NIKKI: I've heard.

I reckon we can definitely get something lovely in here.

DAVID: Oh, it's a great spot.

It feels good.

I've spotted a few things already, actually.

DAVID: You lead the way.

NIKKI: OK. And let's find the stuff that Nikki really loves.

NIKKI: OK. VO: They've still got £235 left, remember.

VO: Hello.

What's this?

NIKKI: David, is that a speaker?

DAVID: It is absolutely a speaker.

NIKKI: Oh!

And it is gorgeous.

NIKKI: I'm blinded by the art deco, aren't I?

DAVID: You are.

But let me tell you, that's a rare thing.

NIKKI: Is it?

DAVID: I don't think I've ever seen an art deco Bakelite speaker like that, ever.

Really?

DAVID: Yeah.

But it's all the money.

It's 180 quid.

NIKKI: I mean, worth it.

Definitely worth it.

But I think, for us, a bit tricky.

Shame.

DAVID: Shame, but really well found.

Thank you.

VO: From Bakelite to Allwright.

VO: Matt's now elsewhere in Faversham at Standard Quay.

MATT: I like this.

VO: Quite.

In a 17th century monks granary, no less.

MATT: Are you ready?

NATASHA: Yep.

Ready to do this.

Let's go find some antiques.

VO: Rude not to, hey?

VO: What with £265 left to spend, and all.

MATT: Tash.

NATASHA: Mm-hm.

MATT: Look at these.

NATASHA: Are they just your size?

Do you know what?

I'd say they're possibly a size too big, so that counts me out.

OK.

I love shoes, more than shoes I love boots.

More than boots, I love handmade boots with moccasin tops, made, I'm going to say.

What, Second World War, do you reckon?

Looks like it.

I mean, certainly that era.

1944.

British officer boots.

MATT: Hobnail soles, thick welts on them as well.

These are just going to be an heirloom, aren't they?

An heirloom that someone is wanting us to pay how much for?

Well, it says 185 on it.

And I think that's a big ask.

It is a big ask.

Uniform can be tricky to sell at auction.

NATASHA: I don't want to freak you out, but genuinely I could see myself on a rostrum putting the hammer down for a tenth of that price.

Seriously?

NATASHA: Yeah.

MATT: £18.50.

Yes, specifically.

I mean, it's an odd bid, but I'll take it.

MATT: It would be an odd bid.

NATASHA: "Sold!"

MATT: £18.50.

NATASHA: It would kind of break your heart when you... NATASHA: ..put the hammer down.

MATT: Yeah.

NATASHA: I think we have a couple of items in the bag that could make money.

Imagine if these were to wipe it out.

Stomp all over your dreams.

Oh, they're beautiful, though, aren't they?

VO: Boots not made for auctioning.

Ha ha!

What else has Aladdin got to offer?

VO: Oh, crikey.

Really?

VO: It's not Supermarket Sweep, you know?

Yeah?

Oh, those are good!

NATASHA: Aren't they cool?!

Yeah, Janis Joplin right there.

But also maybe Chinese, early 20th century.

MATT: Oh, seriously?

NATASHA: Yeah.

I thought they were modern.

NATASHA: Anyway, you look like you're off to the launderette.

Yeah.

Well, I've got two things to say.

NATASHA: Oh, have you?

First off is that I'm going to the launderette, and I'm going to be taking my sheets in this box, which comes from the Faversham laundry, which is where we are at right now, right?

Isn't there something beautifully poppy about that?

It's also kind of functional as well because it's a nice box.

You can keep anything you want in there.

Are you quite keen on this?

I'm really quite keen on this.

As in, let's buy this?

As in, let's negotiate on it.

NATASHA: £78 for a box!

MATT: Hmm.

Yeah.

NATASHA: (STRAINED) OK. VO: Bit of a dampener.

So anyway, that's one thing.

I'm going to put that down.

MATT: The other thing you need to know is that, I really like this sign, this is obviously ex-British Rail.

MATT: You know I was looking for something that made me laugh.

MATT: This made me laugh.

NATASHA: My mind just went like this.

MATT: Yeah, it would do...

Your mind went naughty schoolboy giving a hand signal to the driver.

There are many hand signals.

What age are you?

I'm basically eight in my head... NATASHA: You're eight in your mind?!

..and I haven't moved on greatly since then.

Oh, OK, so you think that's naughty but nice?

VO: Does it have a naughty price, though?

(MUMBLES) 45.

NATASHA: See, that's alright.

MATT: Really?

If, if we can... Yeah, do some work with it.

If you were faced with one choice, "I can only buy the sign or the box", which are you taking home?

It's the sign.

I'm going with the sign.

VO: Time to talk to dealer Claire.

NATASHA: So you're going to be quite bold with this?

MATT: Oh, yeah.

NATASHA: OK.

I am a bit nervous.

You're quite hefty with your haggling.

MATT: Look at that.

That's coming, too.

And we're taking a novelty toy box?

MATT: Yeah.

NATASHA: Right, OK. OK. VO: Sometimes you just have to have things.

Hey, Claire, how are you?

CLAIRE: Hello.

Can I help you?

MATT: Well, look, I've got this wonderful sign here, and I've got this...I don't know if you've seen that, look.

CLAIRE: Ah, this is quirky.

MATT: If I take them both, we must be able to do something.

Let's say we could take that one down to 25 and this one, possibly, to 35.

I'd say 30.

Which brings us to 55 for two of them.

MATT: I'll have to check my money box.

I'll be generous.

We'll go with the 55.

Hey, Claire, you're the best!

MATT: Thank you so much.

VO: Fast work, Allwright.

30 for the sign, and 25 for that fishing-themed quirky money box impulse buy.

£210 left.

MATT: As long as I can find the handbrake.

MATT: There we are.

That's reverse.

NATASHA: Oh, that's reverse!

NATASHA: No, we're not going backwards, we're going forward.

MATT: (LAUGHS) VO: Avanti!

VO: Elsewhere in Faversham, shopkeeper Andy is standing by.

VO: Any news?

NIKKI: Well I reckon Matt is probably doing exactly what I'm doing, and having a proper mooch around a shop.

I'm starting feeling a little bit panicky.

NIKKI: I don't know whether he'll be feeling the same, but after seeing his items, I'm not massively worried.

Matt is very nervous about our camera that David and I have got.

He thinks that's going to go, and actually I'm getting quite excited.

VO: She's definitely got the bug.

DAVID: Now, Nikki.

NIKKI: Yes, David.

Can I show you something?

NIKKI: Please do.

DAVID: This item on the table...

Right.

DAVID: OK. OK. DAVID: So it is a hall console table.

It's a table.

DAVID: It's a table.

Because you've got a glass top to it, can you see the glass top?

Ah, yes.

DAVID: Yeah.

Fits in there nicely.

DAVID: It's mid 1950s.

It's circa 1955, and 20 years ago, you'd scrap it, throw it away.

Yeah.

DAVID: Now it is so cool, in my opinion, it's 10 quid.

Oh, wow.

DAVID: It's got to make money.

VO: Sounds like a yes.

NIKKI: You are a very clever man.

DAVID: Thank you very much.

VO: Steady on.

Andy.

NIKKI: We'd love to take this very beautiful looking console, Andy.

I think that's an excellent choice, and for £10, that's a bargain.

VO: Not making much of a dent in their pile, though.

VO: 225 left.

VO: Now, while they head off to their next shop, let's hear the thoughts of our other consumer journalist turned antique snaffler.

MATT: You've got to get in there and do it.

So this is what you need to remember.

It's so much quicker to apologize than ask permission.

VO: Is Matt now counseling the expert, hey?

OK, that's great advice.

So when next time I ask for a really cheeky deal in an antique shop, remember it's quicker to apologize than to ask for permission.

It's quicker to apologize than ask permission.

VO: Alright!

MATT: Are you warming up that side?

Well, you've already discovered the air conditioning.

MATT: There you go.

NATASHA: That's so cool, isn't it?

It literally...literally cool.

MATT: Has that made a big difference?

No.

Do I need to just drive faster?

Yes.

MATT: Go faster, get some more air coming through.

MATT: You see the old ways are the best, Tash.

VO: They might have to be.

VO: Ha!

Those two are currently resting from their shopping duties, just outside Maidstone, near the village of Barming.

VO: Where they've come to see one of the county's last two remaining ragstone quarries.

VO: A traditional Kent building material for millennia.

VO: Managing director Sean Connor.

SEAN: Hello, there.

MATT: Hey, Sean, how are you?

SEAN: Yeah, good.

Thank you.

Welcome to Gallagher's Hermitage Quarry.

MATT: So how long has ragstone been produced here?

SEAN: It has a rich tradition in Maidstone.

Over 2,000 years ago the Romans came to town, and discovered Kentish ragstone and built what was Roman London using exactly the same stone.

So the Romans were here doing it first.

Yeah.

The Romans used to cut the stone and send it up the Medway, down the Thames into London on Roman barges.

SEAN: 76,000 tonnes was used building what is now the Londinium Wall.

VO: It's thought that the stone, so called because of its ragged appearance, would have been one of the first building materials the invaders discovered in around 49 AD.

VO: But of course, the stone itself is much, much older, about 155 million years older, actually.

How does ragstone get formed in the first place?

Limestone is found in interlayered beds within the lower greensand beds in Kent, and that was formed in shallow seas.

So you have a very unique geology.

There's no other rock like it in the country.

VO: Sean's men regularly find fossils like ammonites, which confirm the stone's Cretaceous Period origins.

VO: But that was also the age of the dinosaurs.

And in 1834, a local quarry owner called William Bensted discovered the almost fully-intact remains of a creature, which was soon christened the iguanodon.

VO: Maidstone Museum collections manager, Samantha Harris.

MATT: Hey, Sam, how are you?

OK, thank you.

How are you?

Yeah, good.

Thanks.

Nice friends you've got.

SAM: Thank you.

MATT: Shall we go and see Iggy?

Yes, definitely.

VO: Bet you wouldn't call him that to his face!

SAM: Here is Iggy.

MATT: Oh, there he is, laid out for us to see, not looking his best, but still impressive.

MATT: Tell me how this was discovered, Sam.

The first findings to do with iguanodons were in around the 1820s.

SAM: Gideon Mantell and his wife were finding bits of dinosaurs, and they started to develop ideas that they may have been linked to an ancient kind of race of reptiles that would have lived on the Earth, and during routine exploding at a local quarry, they found this piece.

SAM: It was brought to Gideon Mantell's attention by Bensted.

They were very excited because there was so much of a specimen found, they could start identifying how big it would have been, and what it might have actually looked like.

So where does the iguanodon fit into dinosaur history?

SAM: Iguanodons were one of the first few to actually be named and identified.

SAM: It was very early in the history of paleontology, so the concept was going against the religious view of creationism and was very much in line with Darwin's ideas that were coming around about the same time.

So he's actually quite a political animal.

MATT: This could have changed the way people saw the world.

SAM: Absolutely.

It would have been almost the equivalent of finding evidence of an alien because it would have been so inexplicable.

If I met Iggy the iguanodon, what would I see?

Well the idea of what an iguanodon would have looked like has changed a huge amount over the years, but we believe that they would have grown up to about 10 meters, probably weighed around about five tonnes.

SAM: And they were herbivorous, and there's still some discussion of whether they would have walked upright, or walking leaning forward.

MATT: How much pride does this town have in what we've got here?

Iggy is kind of iconic.

I mean, I like to refer to it as the oldest resident in Maidstone and, having grown up in Maidstone, it was something that was always talked about.

And in 1949, the town's coat of arms was changed to include an iguanodon.

So we're the only town in the UK to have a dinosaur on its coat of arms.

That's something to be very proud of.

VO: Now, let's spend a bit of time with our awfully well bonded duo in the Dolomite.

DAVID: And what about your musical background?

So you started out playing the piano.

Started out playing the piano, yeah.

NIKKI: Then I studied music, so I did some singing, bit of opera.

Oh!

Now I'm trying to learn the ukulele.

DAVID: The ukulele?

NIKKI: I know, yeah.

It's like sometimes when I'm sitting down and I've got a spare 10 minutes, I'll learn the lyrics to a rap song.

It's the same with the ukulele.

If you've got a little number... DAVID: Yeah.

NIKKI: ..you can always bust it out, can't you?

So this is a bit of a party piece.

Yeah, maybe I'm just a bit of a show-off sometimes.

VO: Always nice to have a recitation ready.

DAVID: When you were a kid, did you dream about being a musician?

NIKKI: Honestly?

I dreamt of being a ballerina.

DAVID: Did you?

NIKKI: Yeah.

I've always been disabled all my life.

I was born disabled, but I still used to go around very kind of oblivious to that fact.

But you've proven you could do anything, and everything.

I tell you what, though, I couldn't do a plié!

NIKKI: I mean, I tried.

I mean, I gave it my best shot, David.

VO: Nikki and David are heading back towards Faversham for the very last shop of their trip.

NIKKI: This looks very zhuz.

DAVID: It does look very cool.

VO: Yes.

The Vintage And Furniture Barn should suit them nicely.

VO: They do still have an awful lot of money left, remember.

VO: Over half of what they started with, in fact.

£225.

Sharon's in charge here.

VO: Hi, Sharon!

David, look what I found.

Is it a ukulele?

It's not a ukulele.

DAVID: What is it, then?

It's a Portuguese something or other.

Is that unusual?

It's unusual for me, but I don't think it's unusual.

But it's not... (STRUMS OUT OF TUNE CHORD) DAVID: It sounds alright.

# ..in tune!

# So, look, come on, let's have some tunes.

Let's have a song.

I can't even play you The Mobility Scooter Song.

DAVID: What is the mobility scooter song?

Oh, it goes... # Mobility scooter, my larger one has even got a hooter, # and if you see me coming, # it's only cuz I can't be bothered running.

# NIKKI: They're the words.

DAVID: (LAUGHS) VO: Brava!

VO: Not taking the Portuguese something or other, though, but what?

NIKKI: I've bought so much art deco stuff now, I kind of want to see what David fancies.

I'm really interested to see what he picks out, something maybe in his style, something that he really loves.

VO: That could easily mean furniture, Nikki.

Oh!

Oh!

VO: See what I mean?

DAVID: Proper antique pieces.

We should really be buying proper antiques and you can't get more, yes, proper antiques than British Georgian mahogany pieces of furniture.

DAVID: A Georgian table with a hole in, probably part of a dumbwaiter.

Oh!

It's got a label on the underside that tells me it's something that I don't think it was.

But nevertheless, it's very interesting, and it's 35 quid.

Nikki?

Yes?

DAVID: Can I show you something very interesting?

Ah, what's that, David?

It is my first love.

Georgian.

Georgian furniture.

Yes, you told me about this.

Oh!

VO: Poor Nikki!

Has he been banging on again?

It's 200 years old!

NIKKI: 200 years old?

200 years old.

DAVID: It's described on the ticket as a child's table, but it's got a screw hole here... NIKKI: Yeah.

DAVID: ..and a brass fitting.

And on the underside, it says "It's a Georgian table for child, originally had an arm chain attached, believed to chain the child to keep it from running away."

NIKKI: Oh!

DAVID: Which is very odd.

VO: I should say so.

Utter nonsense, though.

DAVID: But I think it formed part of another type of furniture.

Maybe what we call a dumbwaiter, so you'd have tiers, something like that... NIKKI: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

DAVID: ..just a real posh bit of kit, and it's 35 quid.

35?

DAVID: Yeah, it's no money.

NIKKI: I mean, the old key thing, I mean let's just wipe that from our heads.

I'm just going to pretend it's a hole, it's where they put some kind of Georgian straw.

I think the Georgians were very interesting people, a bit like the Victorians later, they were very good at inventing stuff.

VO: Oh, yeah?

Perhaps a bit too inventive.

It is a good price, isn't it?

DAVID: I'd love to buy it.

NIKKI: Yeah, we can.

But we've got a lot of dosh left over.

DAVID: Well, we have, but we don't have to spend it all.

NIKKI: Well, then let's get it.

I like that.

DAVID: OK. VO: What a team, eh?

DAVID: Sharon?

Hello.

Hi.

NIKKI: Sharon, hi!

We're not even going to negotiate.

No.

SHARON: No negotiations?

None.

We want to give you some money.

DAVID: If Nikki had her own way, she'd be giving you 50.

NIKKI: To be honest, if it was up to Nikki, Sharon, I'd give you 90.

But David would tell me off.

DAVID: I'm going to put your money, £35, here on the table.

SHARON: Thank you.

VO: All done with 190 left.

NIKKI: Bring our Georgian table, David.

DAVID: I'm bringing it.

I'm bringing it.

Now, let me tell you something else interesting about Georgian tables.

Go on.

VO: No time, I'm afraid.

Ha ha!

Because the auction's just about to 'hove' into view!

MATT: The whole experience has been fabulous.

MATT: Whatever happens from now, let's just put that to one side, right?

Because it could go really badly.

NIKKI: I don't know if you were going to ask me this question, David, but the answer is yes, I'm going to miss you.

I'm going to miss you too.

I've loved it all, but I've really enjoyed our little chats in the Dolomite.

Yeah.

NIKKI: So you've definitely given me a bit of a bug, actually.

DAVID: Good.

VO: Shuteye next, please.

VO: Auction viewing will take place at the ragstone-built gorgeous pile which is Leeds Castle.

DAVID: Great location.

I know, but I'm twitchy.

Oh, are you nervous?

Matt's mum is an antique dealer.

DAVID: Oh, of course.

And when she watches this she'll be going "She made all the wrong decisions!"

DAVID: Brilliant!

VO: Ah, here they come.

What's the mood?

NIKKI: Have you got hope for your stuff, though, Matt?

I think I've found all the things that nobody could possibly want.

And that in itself is quite a talent, do you think?

I think they'll end up calling me Matt the Tat!

VO: (LAUGHS) VO: After setting out back in Chilham, and seeing an awful lot of the Garden of England, they've now make their way to the former home of Catherine of Aragon, while their purchases have been dispatched towards Churchill Auctions of Didcot, for sale on the phone, on the net, and left with the auctioneer, Anthony Tinson.

Selling at £18.

(GAVEL) VO: Matt and Natasha parted with £190 for their five auction lots.

(GAVEL) ANTHONY: We've got the train sign.

Some of these can be worth a lot of money, but unfortunately this isn't going to be one of them.

I think it's just a bit too modern.

VO: Whoops!

VO: Nikki and David splashed out a bit more.

210, also on five lots.

ANTHONY: A nice pair of Victorian bench ends with the snake design.

ANTHONY: Nice paintwork on them as well, actually, they're probably my favorite lot.

VO: Hear that, Nikki?

(CHUCKLES) VO: Back at the castle, everyone's ready for the off.

DAVID: Shall we do it?

NIKKI: Come on.

MATT: Yes.

VO: Matt's first in to bat with his cricket stool.

One of the finest pieces in our collection.

Wouldn't you agree, Matt?

This is on me.

It's on us.

It's on us.

You're very kind.

Straight in at £20 on the net.

NATASHA: (GASPS) MATT: Oh!

ANTHONY: Two anywhere?

It's 22 now, do we want five?

Not really.

ANTHONY: At 22 on the net, it is at 22, 25 in the room.

MATT: Come on!

DAVID: Oh, oh!

ANTHONY: 30 we've got in the room... MATT: 30!

DAVID: No!

ANTHONY: ..35 on the net.

35, and 40.

DAVID: No!

Nikki!

NIKKI: No!

ANTHONY: 35 it is then, internet bidder.

Oh no!

ANTHONY: There's two of you out there.

At 35, then.

No, no, no.

ANTHONY: Are we going to sell to my left here... DAVID: Sell it!

ANTHONY: ..at 35 now?

NIKKI: Yes, you are, sunshine.

DAVID: Get in there!

(GAVEL) OK.

So, that's a bit of a loss.

VO: Like the man said, game effort, though.

Don't forget we could have made a £40 loss.

I'm seeing anything above zero as in the plus column.

VO: Ah, Nikki and David's turn.

Bit of Georgian.

I think, at 35 quid, that looks good.

£20 to start that somewhere?

Go on.

Let's do 15 on the net.

DAVID: Oh, no!

NIKKI: No!

My goodness.

ANTHONY: We're trading at 15 on the net now, do we want 18?

That's rubbish.

18 now in the room, do you want 20 on the net?

Maybe we should have haggled.

ANTHONY: Or anywhere else, for that matter.

Last chance.

DAVID: Go on!

NIKKI: No!

ANTHONY: Gonna sell to my room bidder at £18.

(GAVEL) DAVID: Can't believe that.

No, don't put the hammer down!

I am shocked at that.

VO: Makes Matt's loss look almost a good result.

Ha!

Are you devastated?

I'm a little bit sad, actually.

Don't be.

It's very normal, isn't it, Tash?

NATASHA: Can I just say...

It's like water off a duck's back.

VO: Train sign time.

The auctioneer wasn't exactly convinced.

MATT: This made me laugh, purely because it contains the word "a clear hand signal".

Sorry, what's funny about that, Matt?

Do you want to explain?

Now you ask me that, David, I am not sure anymore.

Go back to the way you felt... NATASHA: ..when you found it... MATT: Yeah.

..and when you purchased it.

You felt so chuffed with it.

No regrets.

We're straight in at £20 on the net.

DAVID: No!

ANTHONY: 20, do we want two anywhere?

At 20 on the auto bid.

22 now, do we have five?

No!

At £22 it is, then.

NATASHA: No!

(GAVEL) Scrap value.

VO: Oh, dear.

Quirk has not started well.

I bought a thing that someone else on Earth wanted.

NIKKI: Yeah.

MATT: I find that remarkable.

DAVID: (LAUGHS) VO: Nikki and David's cheapest buy is next.

It was very old-fashioned 20 years ago.

Now, Matt, believe it or believe it not, it's height of fashion.

NATASHA: Is it?

NIKKI: Height of fashion.

Is this the height of fashion?

Didn't you notice?!

MATT: That remains... NATASHA: No one told me!

I've got a commissioned bid, we'll start in at 10?

ANTHONY: Does anyone want 12?

DAVID: Come on.

12, I've got 15.

NIKKI: Yes!

DAVID: Yes!

MATT: Oh, it's flying.

Oh, profit!

ANTHONY: We're going to sell, then, to my commissioned bidder at £15.

If you're all done, I'm going to sell at 15... Go on!

..18, just in time, I've got 20.

Do you want two, internet?

DAVID: Oh-ho!

NIKKI: Ooh!

Ho-ho!

Last chance, then, we're going to sell to my commissioned bidder again this time.

ANTHONY: We'll sell it at 20.

NIKKI: Yes!

(GAVEL) NIKKI: Yay!

David, well done.

DAVID: Double bubble.

VO: Yes, finally, someone's done what they're supposed to do.

I think we've peaked.

We've made a profit.

VO: What will Buddha make of it all?

VO: Smiley face, please.

It's a paperweight.

Therefore, it's functional.

And for somebody who lives in a very windy office, this will be crucial.

DAVID & NIKKI: (LAUGH) OK, my commissioned bidder's now out.

We're up to 35 on the net.

DAVID: Wow.

NIKKI: Ooh!

Good start.

Do we want 40 now?

We don't, Nikki!

Tell him!

ANTHONY: I'm gonna sell to the net bidder at £35... 40, just in time.

MATT: Oooh!

ANTHONY: 40, do we want five?

NIKKI: Wow!

ANTHONY: 45, do we want 50?

Come on!

At 45 bid, then.

This is your fair warning.

DAVID: Go on, sell it!

ANTHONY: Selling at 45.

NIKKI: Put it down.

Are we making another loss?

(GAVEL) NATASHA: Ooh!

NIKKI: Ooh!

MATT: OK.

The funky little Buddha didn't do too bad.

That wasn't bad.

VO: Sterling work from our auctioneer there.

I think he's serene, rather than overjoyed.

DAVID & NIKKI: (LAUGH) VO: Well, let's take his picture.

Nikki's camera plus accoutrements.

£20 to start on it somewhere.

ANTHONY: 20 straight in.

22 now on the net.

Come on.

Needs to really run, this.

ANTHONY: At 25, 28, 30, and five.

35 bid, do we want 40 now?

Go on.

40 now, do we want five?

45.

DAVID: Go on.

Did he mention the satchels?

ANTHONY: 45 bid, 50, and five?

Go on, baby!

ANTHONY: At 55 bid, do we want 60 now?

We do, we do!

ANTHONY: At 55 it is, then, do we want 60 anywhere?

DAVID: Go on!

NIKKI: Mention the satchels!

At £55, then, fair warning at 55... Flipping heck.

(GAVEL) DAVID: Ouch!

NATASHA: Oh, disappointing.

VO: He should have mentioned the satchels!

That could have been worse, on a bad day.

I should have haggled better, though.

No.

VO: Matt's little money box impulse buy now.

VO: Nicely demonstrated.

MATT: The fish leaps out... NIKKI: Yeah.

..it grabs the coin, it sticks it in the barrel, the man pulls his rod back.

Got you.

It's almost better than television.

Really?

MATT: Yeah, most television.

Not this, other television.

We're off and running on the net.

We're up to 15.

£15.

Oh-ho!

NIKKI: Wow!

ANTHONY: At 18 now.

That's OK. At £15, looking for 18.

At £15, then, are we all done?

Is this real?

Hammer's up.

We will sell at £15...18, just in time.

DAVID: Oh!

MATT: Come on!

ANTHONY: We're up to £20 now.

No!

At 20 is bid, do we want two?

Yes!

Hammer's up, then, last chance.

We're going to sell to the net at £20.

NIKKI: Ho-ho-ho!

(GAVEL) NATASHA: Sad.

DAVID: Not bad.

NIKKI: That's not bad.

Really not bad.

Fortunate to get that.

VO: Matt's first profit is proving elusive.

VO: With the auctioneer's favorites up next.

Love them.

DAVID: Oh, good.

NIKKI: Ooh!

Love them.

Very jealous of these.

I hadn't realized the detail on them.

They are absolutely lovely, these.

NIKKI: They're lovely.

MATT: And I'm well jel.

DAVID: Oh, good.

MATT: Officially.

We're off and running.

We're up to 40 on the net, do we want five?

NIKKI: Ooh!

ANTHONY: 45, and 50.

Yes!

ANTHONY: 50 we're up to now, 55.

Go on, yes!

ANTHONY: 60 bid, do we want five now?

DAVID: We do!

ANTHONY: 65, 70?

Yes!

ANTHONY: 70 is bid, five, and 80.

NIKKI: No!

DAVID: Yes!

ANTHONY: At £80 bid, do we want five?

DAVID: Go on!

ANTHONY: £80 it is, then, on the pair of Victorian bench ends.

Ooh!

Double bubble.

ANTHONY: To the internet at £80.

(GAVEL) DAVID: Yeah!

NIKKI: Ya-hay!

MATT: Well done.

VO: It looks like these experts do have their uses!

NIKKI: That was all David.

I can take absolutely no credit for that.

VO: Can Natasha save Matt's bacon with her alarum timepiece?

NIKKI: Ooh!

DAVID: Alarm carriage clock?

NATASHA: Mm!

Yeah, and you don't see many of those, David, I'm told, by Natasha.

No, I don't think you do.

I've got £40 bid on commission.

DAVID: Whoa!

NIKKI: Wow.

MATT: Straight in.

DAVID: Very good.

I've got 50 bid, do you want five?

DAVID: Wow!

NATASHA: More!

ANTHONY: £50, I've got 55, I've got 60 now.

MATT: Oh!

NIKKI: Oh, wow.

ANTHONY: 65, my commission bidder is out.

Matt, we made a profit!

70.

Commissions are out.

We're up to 75.

ANTHONY: At 75 is bid, do we want 80 now?

Matt's mum is screaming at the TV screen!

85 bid, do we want 90 now?

ANTHONY: Hammer's up.

We'll sell to the net at £85.

(GAVEL) NATASHA: Oh!

DAVID: Very well done.

NIKKI: Hey!

Oh, Matt.

Very, very well done.

VO: Best profit of the day so far.

Double bubble plus a little bit.

Oh, well done, Matt.

VO: Finally, Nikki's nice ice cream Lalique.

These are swanky.

Nice, aren't they?

All I can say is you must really like ice cream.

At £70...

Yes!

NATASHA: Straight in!

ANTHONY: 75, and 80 on the net.

NIKKI: Stop it!

ANTHONY: At £80, my commission bidder's out.

DAVID: Come on, baby.

ANTHONY: At £80 it is on the net.

85 now.

NIKKI: Yes!

DAVID: Yes!

ANTHONY: 90, internet.

90 it is.

DAVID: Yes!

NATASHA: Oh, wow!

NIKKI: Get in!

Let's get 100!

At £90 then.

Go on!

ANTHONY: Hammer's up.

(GAVEL) That's good enough!

Oh-ho!

DAVID: Good enough.

NATASHA: Wow.

VO: I think the Lalique might have won it for Nikki.

So stick it, Matt Allwright!

Well, you can't eat ice cream off a train sign.

DAVID & NIKKI: (LAUGH) VO: (LAUGHS) So, how have our rogue antique traders ended up?

Matt started out with £400 and after auction costs, he made a wee loss.

So he's ended up with £379.74.

(GAVEL) VO: While Nikki, who began with the same sum, made, also after auction costs, a tiny profit.

So she wins today with £405.66.

MATT: Congratulations.

Well done, guys.

Go and have some ice cream.

VO: So come on, Nikki, what's the secret of a winning team?

NIKKI: We were totally in tune, babe.

Totally in sync.

Like, we're almost to the point now where we finish each other's sentences.

Well, why don't you and David just get married?

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